Technology Leadership: Self-Aware vs. Self-Centered

We have all worked for self-centered leaders. Completely self-absorbed, they hesitate to delegate, they often have poor listening skills, and they tend to make unilateral decisions without understanding the situation. As members of their staffs, we spend inordinate amounts of time feeding their egos (versus getting things done). Being self-centered is human nature, and leaders need to become self-aware to avoid the pitfalls of being self-centered.

Self-aware leaders make an effort to see themselves as their employees see them. They understand how their actions and moods will be perceived, and they make an effort to project the best possible attitude at all times. Self-aware leaders are tuned into their staffs, and understand that their actions are over-analyzed and sometimes misunderstood. Self-awareness drives them to listen better, communicate more and delegate well.

To be an effective leader, you must be self-aware and not self-centered for the following three reasons:

Self-aware leaders make better decisions.

• Sure that they are always right; self-centered leaders tend to make decisions without listening. And once they set a course of action, their staffs will reinforce and go along with their thinking even when they are wrong, because they know that disagreeing will only offend and alienate them from their leader.

• Self-aware leaders are, by their nature, open to feedback and differing viewpoints. They understand and value the viewpoints and opinions’ of their staff members and customers, and respond positively and graciously when feedback is offered. Because self-aware leaders are more in tune with their staffs, they often have a more complete view of the situation, and therefore make better decisions.

Self-aware leaders delegate.

• Self-centered leaders often isolate themselves by being overly self-reliant and unwilling to delegate tasks. They become convinced that they are the only ones that can perform a given task correctly, and therefore they must do it themselves. While they can and do perform at a very high level, their total productivity is limited to what they can accomplish by themselves; they are unable to leverage the talents and energy of their team.

• Leaders that are self-aware understand the limitations of single-threading tasks. They know that the message sent by delegating a task is “I trust you”. They take advantage of their team’s talents by encouraging them to fully engage and own tasks, projects and roles.

Self-aware leaders build stronger relationships.

• Relationships are the key to leadership, and building relationships takes time and effort. (See my December, 2008 blog.) Self-centered leaders often harm their relationships by their actions. Callous behavior, lack of concern and/or respect for team members (for instance, calling a staff meeting and then showing up late), and lack of recognition are just a few of the harmful behaviors displayed by self-centered leaders.

• Self-aware leaders invest in relationships by understanding how their actions and attitudes affect the team. They treat others as they would like to be treated. They engage with their teams and their customers by listening and reacting to their concerns. They build the relationships that allow them to lead.

The examples provided are relatively black-and-white; the truth is that most leaders are a combination of self-centered and self-aware. We become leaders because we are willing to take risks, we make good decisions, we have the right experience and education, and we are successful. In short, we are good at what we do. The problem starts when we begin to believe our own “press” and forget where we came from and how it feels to be a follower.

To be the leader that your team deserves, think about your actions and how they affect people. Focus on being self-aware and not self-centered. Extinguish your ego before it burns someone (or it will eventually burn you).

Thanks for taking the time to read this; your comments and thoughts are always welcome.